Here’s the scene. Your infant, toddler, 3-year-old, four-year-old or kindergarten child is looking up at you. They trust you completely, they listen to every word you say and observe all you do. You are everything to them, you are their world, you are THE world. They believe everything you say, and everything you tell them they are. They believe everything you tell them about the world, everything they overhear in your conversations with others in person or on the phone. They see and absorb the music you play, videos you watch, video games you play as well as your interactions with others and with them. This information is being absorbed by a young child.

     Whatever it is, they will see the topics presented as something you like and approve of, so they will too. It may seem like they are busy, playing, not paying attention. This is not true. When you are in the same space, they are aware of your presence and actions. A child can find this comforting, or scary. What is your child learning from you?

     The big question is this. What type of behavior, ideas, thoughts, emotions, and view of the world are you presenting to your child? It is not true that children who are exposed to things will grow out of it. It does affect them in the most profound ways. Much of what young children see and experience is beyond their cognitive ability to understand. So, the messages are confusing as well as unsettling.

     Children don’t forget, they don’t get over it. It becomes who they are. Everything encountered as they grow into adulthood will be measured and compared to these early experiences and the words that came out of the mouths of the adults in their lives. These experiences embed themselves into the deepest parts of the brain and linger there until something brings up a memory or the emotion associated with the experience. But it is never really gone or forgotten.

     Rarely does a parent, family, teacher, or coach wake up in the morning and plan a way to harm a child. But it does happen. Most of the damage is done without thinking about how interactions or words may influence their child. How cruel words will destroy their little hearts and how they view themselves. Adults pass on what they knew as children, often unconsciously, or they make adaptations to do better than their experience. All these things are a choice whether conscious or unconscious.

     Be an intentional caregiver to a young person. Yes, very young children are people too. People are people, sometimes words fly out of a person’s mouth and then they realize the damage. It is important not to let this go. The phrase “My Bad,” or “Whoops” is not the end. Instead, when this happens it is important to talk to the child or others who heard it and apologize or explain the context of the slip. Do your best to mitigate any damage or misunderstanding. When you do this, just the action of doing this will often mean more and hold more weight in a child’s eyes. You are teaching a child how to do this themselves as they grow into adulthood. How to be a successful adult.

     Isn’t that the point? What type of adult life do you want your child to have and work backward. First and foremost, how do you want your child to think of themselves when they are adults? Do you want them to feel confident, to take on challenges in constructive ways?  Or is what you’re doing destroying their view of themselves and turning them into victims?

     How you live your life will teach a child more than anything else they experience as they grow up. When you are responsible for the care of a child, it is a huge responsibility. If you have trauma in your past, address it and do your best to heal from it so as not pass that on to your child or others. Asking for help is not weakness, it shows strength and courage. Do what you can to live a positive and conscious life. To be healthy physically, mentally, and morally. Show them through your life journey how to meet challenges head-on and come up with positive solutions. They will follow your example.

     Be that person your child will always want to turn to in trials and joys. Build that relationship through love, respect, patience, and flexibility. See them for the individuals they are, even at this very young age. Support their strengths, help them in their challenges.  When they are young, children need your guidance and protection. As they grow the work you have done to build their confidence and set them on a path to successful adulthood will be evident.

     That does not mean their life will be easy or without struggle. Or that they won’t follow unknown paths. But the building blocks you set in place when they were young and through their journey to adulthood will let them know that no matter what you believe in them and will stand beside them. Parenting is tough and every parent wishes they had done this or that differently. Let it go, and today, be the best parent you can for your child.